Puck Interview Log

The following is a transcipt of interviews with the Hazardous entity Puck.

Interview 1
''Puck is sitting crosslegged on the floor. Dr. xxxxxx enters.''

Dr. xxxxxx: Hello, Puck.

Puck: Hello, random monkey. Do you want to talk?

Dr. xxxxxx: I'm not going to talk if you won't show respect.

Puck: You're the one who should be showing respect. I'm a Faerie. If we were outside this cell, you'd be dead and I'd be laughing. Say, who's the Russian lady who was giving orders to those guys who brought me here?

Dr. xxxxxx: I'm not allowed to tell you that.

Puck: That's a shame. She's pretty cute.

Dr. xxxxxx: Are you going to tell me anything useful or not?

Puck: Why not? I am a Faerie, a race of beings far superior to you human monkeys. Compared to us, you are slow, weak, stupid, and ephemeral. The only thing you have going for you is your ability to touch iron. I'm not going to tell you anything else, so leave.

Dr. xxxxxx: Fine, then.

Interview ends

Interview 2
''Puck is pacing around his cell. Dr. xxxxxxx enters.''

Puck: Hi. I want to see the Russian lady.

Dr. xxxxxxx: I don't have that authority, and in any case I doubt she'd want to talk.

Puck: Why not?

Dr. xxxxxxx: Because when we were sent to capture you, you killed thirty-six of her soldiers and injured about two hundred.

Puck: Out of five hundred, I'd say that's pretty good. I can't really help myself. You monkeys are so breakable.

Dr. xxxxxxx: What were you doing before you were captured?

Puck: Oh, playing practical jokes on humans. Wasn't much else I could do, since you were still carrying iron around back then. My favorite was when I modified that one species of bacteria. What do you call it now, pestis?

Dr. xxxxxxx: Yersinia pestis, yes. When did you do that?

Puck: 1340's. Why?

Dr. xxxxxxx: Oh God. (runs out of room)

Puck: See ya!

Interview ends

''A change in protocol has been ordered. Should Puck ever escape, the objective will be to kill him, not capture him. ''-Marcus Rhodes

Interview 3
''Puck is leaning up against the back wall of his cell. Dr. xxxxx enters the room.''

Puck: Hello, doctor. Do you want to hear a story?

Dr. xxxxx: About what?

Puck: About Faeries.

Dr. xxxxx: Certainly.

Puck: Tens of thousands of years ago, Earth was ruled by a race of mighty beings called Faeries. They were powerful, but there weren't very many. They were served and worshiped by advanced monkeys called humans. The humans built great monuments to their masters. They fought and died for them. The Faeries ruled the humans, and the Faeries were ruled by the High King, Oberon. All was well. The Faeries lived in splendor, surrounded by human slaves to wait on them hand and foot. I remember that time well. And then it was ruined when the humans discovered iron! Iron is very poisonous to Faeries, and the humans used it to drive off their rightful masters and force them into hiding. They tore down the greatest of our works, thinking them blasphemy against the gods they had invented. After that, it's history. But that's not the end of the story. The Faeries are still out there. They're waiting for Oberon to heal. When he does, we will blast you into the Stone Age, and Faeries will rule the world again. Oh, and I get to keep the Russian lady. Tell your bosses that we're coming, and have a nice day.

Interview ends